From the children and I…
This post has been a long time coming. I guess I was hoping I would never have to write it. Part shame, part taking care of the home front & leaving less time for outward processing, I've just been posting less, reflecting more, moving, juggling, figuring out my new role.
LChaim began as our family made a huge life shift as we moved to Tennessee to follow my husband's vision. This is being redefined. I'm prayerfully asking God to give me fresh vision for what we began and make it wholly His. I have no idea what that looks like right now. LChaim Essential Oils is available in the same capacity minus the CPR side and I'm continuing so far with the same products we have carried for nearly a decade in serving you. I've been asked to bring back some classics from our CSA days and I've got a handful of new things to reveal as well. It's the overall mission I'm asking for fresh vision for and a renewal of what He intended when we started this whole endeavor.
Adam will be bowing out. He's exchanging what we began for his own path. He filed for divorce just days before this past Thanksgiving. Just writing the word divorce here feels like a gut punch. I've been watching it unfold for nearly 6 years and hoping for 4 it would turn around. I don't know what the future holds but I literally can say I know the One who does.
To say a trauma unveils a trauma is an understatement. You may think how can we handle the event at hand and take on anything from the past that wants to surface at the same time? And yet they are inexplicably connected. At least in every trauma I've encountered there has been underlying pain that has surfaced that all of a sudden demanded healing.
So it is with this. Yet like watching a chronic illness, it's been 4 years of bracing myself. I’ve had 4 years to process what is my responsibility and what is not. I've had 4 years to hope, pray, press inward. I've had a season to gain strength for this moment even while still reaching for strength that’s not my own. I was hoping against all odds it wouldn't occur yet here I am.. So it's both another level of grief and loss but also a release. I didn't ask to be released,. I actually begged for restoration. It takes 2... as the old saying goes. I'm not saying it's not still possible. I'm just saying it will have to be the hand of God.
So it's the culmination of death but also of something being birthed. I have so many thoughts on this as I've journeyed even though I've been humbled to realize again how few answers I have in my enlightened state. If you care to continue this journey, I'll unpack parts as we walk together and maybe our stories will intersect. Perhaps in sharing we will all grow and move past what begs for inner healing and receive more grace to go from strength to strength.
I'll be 44 this year. I've seen a lot of hard things and I've also intimately witnessed the hand of God and His faithfulness. Let's wrestle with the hard things, feel, stay present and sit in His very presence and find security, purpose and value that no one else can possibly fully fulfill.