Are you a creek-river-waterfall person or an ocean person? There is a majesty in both.
I have always preferred the moving water.... playful and exciting, bubbly and happy in some places and meandering and content in others. Slightly dangerous in some spots but I avoid those.🤷♀️ I used to be always on the move. Constantly doing, striving, laughing, being...part who I am and part to compensate for my fears.
I've learned to slow down since the accident. Say no more but still serve, give and reach out. Who I am is less dependent on what I do these days. Lately the creek has been a healing place. A place to pause w my kids, explore, play or a quiet space to read, meditate and pray. Some things haven't changed but the depth of them and the meaning behind them has grown.
The last time I was at the ocean I watched my kids play in the waves, imagine they saw a shark and for a moment freak out everyone in our group, soak in the healing salty air. As the day ended it was slightly cloudy and we began to walk this long pier. My "controlled" anxiety was internally about maxed out from counting kids longer than I would have liked and imagining too many unknowns that could happen. But being the one who doesn't want to appear scared I just took one step at a time and tried to manage my fears... as usual.
In the middle of this too long for me pier I looked out at the too big for me ocean and I felt the Spirit whisper a piece of God's heart to me. "My love for you is more vast than this ocean. It goes beyond what you can see or imagine. "
In that moment I realized it was the vastness I was scared of. It was the fear of the unknown and what I couldn't see or imagine that made me feel so anxious. It was even, gulp, the fear of God's love that felt to foreign, too unknown, too scary. It was bigger than me.
In nearly 4 years since my marriage was first threatened and then the accident that followed, God has been breaking off those fears at the very core of where they originated. It took being cracked open so raw that there was nothing left for me to stand on but Him and His love, His grace and His strength.... and learning every moment what that means and what it looks like. It took learning that I had to have those rooted in Him over any other person.
Am I still a work in progress? Oh yes. But I'm not the same person...thankfully... and even now God is gently drawing me, calling me to find strength in Him to have the courage to break off more fear and put my trust solely in Him the way I have tasted and longed to return to and yet have struggled to rest in.
I'm craving the ocean.
Thank You Father for bigger than me love. Bigger than me grace. Bigger than me forgiveness. Bigger than me redemption. Bigger than me identity.
#restoration #goalswithGod #desiresaredifferent #desiresareprayerpoints #oceanlife #creeklife #growingingrace #girlswithswords #Hisloveissovast #Ephesians3 #rhemawords #lchaimoils #lchaimmommy #accidentalcasualtysurvivor