Are you feeling broken? Desperate? Overwhelmed?
Esther started out with very humble beginnings. She was the only member of her family to survive the brutal slaughter of Jerusalem being beseiged and overtaken. Her only surviving relative, an uncle, sheltered her under his wing and moved them to Susa in Persia where he became a court scribe. The emotional trauma of seeing the brutality unleashed in her hometown, the murder of her family before her eyes and being relocated are all traumatic life changes that would come with a need to overcome abandonment, forgiveness, a broken heart, deep sense of loss and fear of the future.
When the Queen of Persia is demoted, Xerxes looks for a new queen. Hundreds of young virgins are scooped up from their homes and taken willingly and unwillingly to the palace for a one year purification ceremony. Esther is one of these young girls. What added emotions must she be facing now? God sets her apart from the other girls quickly and gives her favor with the man in charge as she obeys her uncle's parting words to her. In her heart she must have purposed to overcome all the odds and trust God to be queen material. After one year of beauty treatments and preparation, each young girl gets one night with the king to win his favor and chance at being chosen. He has to remember her and call her back by name.
To walk confidently in this calling, to have her eyes on the King, she must have had to shed the past and the fears attached to it. We can not be fully insecure and walk with inner confidence in who we are called to be. Fear imobilizes us. Unforgiveness gives way to bitterness, anger, and deceit. Rejection and abandonment whisper in our ears that we are not good enough, that we will never be good enough.
Are you feeling broken? Are you feeling shattered? Ask Him to show you what is there. Ask Him to meet you in those broken places and heal them with His love. Quit trying to hold it together. Curl up in a ball and cry, it's ok! Then when the sobs have subsided, wait, listen, ask Jesus to speak to you, comfort you, give you the truth of who He is and who you are to Him.
As believers in Jesus (Yeshua), we already have the favor of our King! We are already His beloved! But do we truly know that in our hearts? Do we enter intimately into His throne room with confidence or do we hang back, doubting His desire to embrace us, all of us, weaknesses and all?
Does shedding these require perfection? Surely not! It is God's grace that is sufficient for us...would we need God's grace if we lacked weaknesses? But our weaknesses do not have to define us! They are not WHO we are. We can accept them as weaknesses, allowing His love to wash over all of who we are, not pretending to ourselves or trying to pretend to God that we "are good enough". We can let God's power and grace work through us when we embrace His complete love for us!
Are the memories then forgotten? No, but they lose their power and pain over us. They become something we can say happened but it no longer defines us. We can admit the event but without feeling the abandonment, rejection and shatteredness of it. We can walk confidently in His love, His embrace and His grace.
This series of essential oils, Days of Purification has been my counterpart to my own emotional unpacking and healing. Myrrh in particular would have been part of Esther's daily regiment during her year of purification. Myrrh and these other blends have traditionally been used to assist finding courage to embrace the painful parts of life... the shame, the anger, hopelessness, unforgiveness, broken heartedness...and heal.
"Days of Purification-Myrrh" and "Days of Purification-Six Spices" is patterned after essential oils and spices that Esther may have used during her days of purification. They are meant to be used through the unpacking period which is different for each person. At some point, as root issues are shed and the love of God beings to minister and heal those wounds, "Days of Purification- ACCEPTANCE" comes into play. This gently blend of flower absolutes and balancing oils is a calming and renewing blend.
Esther had maidens assigned to her. Her oils and spices were in her baths, massages, steam treatments, hair treatments. She spent all of her days soaking in these essences until she was radiating with the smell of them. We have found using these blends in the morning upon rising (before quiet time/meditation time in the Word), after a shower and in the evenings to be beneficial. It is symbolic of the care we are giving ourselves, reflective of the work we are surrendering to, asking God to do in us. It is a physicological process. Essential oils are known to help release emotions stored on a cellular level. Sometimes things surface that need reflective journaling time, processing with a counselor or close friend, prayer and release. Please, please do not omit this! There will be hard days and easy days. As the coping patterns you have used to get through life are revealed you will slowly begin to shed them and opt for healthier responses as you embrace love. As you accept His love for you and learn to love yourself for who you truly are.