How can you take responsibility for deeply hurting someone but not allow it to define you? 1. Forgive yourself=receive forgiveness from God. You are still loved and always have been deeply loved. 2. Be willing to admit fully your wrong doing. You should ask for forgiveness from the other person if possible but you may also need processing time with a trusted friend who is grounded in God's grace. Find real authentic people not churchy religious scripture bashing folks. The other person may not be able to receive it. You can only do your part. 3. Be willing to accept reconciliation if possible and as much as possible. It says to live as much as possible at peace with other people. This means it takes 2 and it isn't all your responsibility. The other side has a part to play you can't orchestrate. Do not let it define you. 1. Forgive anyone at the root that caused you to feel triggered or defensive with the current person. Most likely you have deep pain too that needs healing. 2. Guilt convicts us of wrong and leads to repentance. Shame and condemnation are from the enemy and keeps us bound and gag tied. God says He is faithful and just to forgive us and cleanse us. Taking on an identity of being a failure is never from the Father. 3. Learn who you are in Christ. Are you wondering if a thought is from Him? 2 Cor 10:3-6 says to take every thought captive to Christ! If it is not leading to repentance and freedom, edifying or encouraging, it is not from Jesus. Acknowledge these lies from the enemy, memorize rhema verses that are the truth. When you get real in your prayer time with your fears, struggles and how you feel, you can learn to leave them at the feet of Jesus and the truth will be able to sink it. This takes tenacity. This takes a predetermined resolve (in surrender) to decide to do so before you are unable to think clearly in the middle of the real, raw emotion.
Decide now.
Choose in the moment.
Dr Caroline Leaf says that it is in the raw moment that the brain reconstructs the memory towards healing if allowed to do so. It is the moment you feel it isn't possible and unbearable, it is too hard, too hopeless, you don't feel like you can or even want to... that is where it is rewritten. That is where the healing takes place.
It may take cycling through the wound being ripped open raw several times before you have the root revealed. I know it hurts! But the healing has to happen. The internal bleeding and festering infection has to stop. You are most likely exhausted and spent from doing it your way and in your own strength. (If not yet, I am sorry to tell you, that day will come.) And it is why you need strength you do not have on your own. It is freely available to you if you are in a relationship with Jesus. Your weakness is not meant to take you under. Your weakness is meant to be where He shows up, shows Himself strong on your behalf and gives you the courage to trust Him. Press into His presence. Stop fighting. Stop running.