I feel we can only forgive and offer grace to the measure we have received it from God first. It is freely available but have you pressed into resting in it, choosing to believe it...? The deeper the hurt, the repeated stabs of betrayal, rejection or shame... the more I'm finding I have to run to Him, rest in Him, soak in His presence.
Forgiveness is a choice. Period. It's a command and I know first hand it is for myself more than the offender. For the first time in my life it's the most difficult choice to make...and it feels impossibly difficult over and over and over. But God doesn't ask us to do something that we can't do and so when it feels too hard I find myself reaching for scripture that speaks truth. No weapon formed against me shall prosper. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Jesus stands w me and strengthens me. He is faithful, He will establish me and guard me from the enemy. He promises to take care of the widow, the orphan, the oppressed and the humble in heart. These scriptures, these promises are for you too...
But the healing of the heart and emotions is a work of the Spirit. It takes time. Sometimes it feels like there's not enough time before you might get sucked under waves of hopelessness or despair that feel threatening. Often it feels like two steps forward and one step back. But from experience I know, one small step at a time yields to another and another. And one day, 6 months from now, a year from now, you can look back and see what feels impossible at the moment... forward momentum, healing and life.
Choose your intimate circle carefully. Choose people who will fiercely defend you yet not take sides with you. Choose people who will validate the hard moments and the raw feelings but will encourage you to forgive, tell yourself right stories that line up with the Word and what God says. Stand. Walk forward. The battle is His, the healing will come.