Just when you feel a bit numb, a forced step forward comes with a stab of pain as a part of the grief process. It reminds you that human betrayal is real...human rejection is always possible. The realization again, the reminder, that this is really happening instead of feeling like you're in a bad dream you can't wake up from.
I cry out that is against my will, out of my control, contrary to the very fabric of my being, my hopes, my dreams, my PRAYERS. I can rethink misplaced dreams and realign misplaced hopes. But the prayers... the pleading and holding on and letting go and waiting... it goes against all of THAT.
Or does it?
What if what you are facing is the answer to those prayers yet it's the process that is really the struggle? What if it's that you just wish you could have been consulted with multiple choice options? It seems it's not the prayers that are going unanswered ... it's the process that is creating the Internal conflict... and I'm not down playing the absolute struggle of it one iota.
And so I find with each hurdle, with each painful stab the choice to cry, feel, to forgive, find healing and to choose to hold onto rhema words and identity as fact and truth over feelings and how life in the natural is unfolding.
Grace.